The Inconvenience

This post includes a few pieces of writing on INCONVENIENCE.

Anne Erez

The water stopped.
"Well if you ask me it very inconvenient.I mean why not just have a normal celebration like all her other weddings?" asked James as he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a thick white towel from the hook on the wall, towelled himself dry and wrapped it around his waist.
His words were directed to his wife Sonia who was sitting at her make-up table applying the finishing touches to her immaculately made-up face. She stopped what she was doing and turned to answer him.
"Oh James, it's her wedding and goodness knows her husband to be is wealthy enough to afford a wedding like that and if that is what she wants well why not?" and she continued her primping.
"But it's not her 1st wedding and why does she expect everyone to go all the way to some tropical paradise? Probably will be another disaster like all her other couplings!" he exclaimed and walked towards the dressing room to dress for the upcoming function they were going to.
"But Barbara is my sister and I am expected to go and anyway I think it will be lots of fun with those crazy friends of hers. Always is. So I am going with or without you". She grinned and paused for a moment and looked at herself in the mirror.
 For all her confident words Sonia knew exactly what he meant. Her sister Barbara had been married twice before and had numerous close calls and long relationship in between. No one really believed that this one would be any more successful than the previous ones. But at least this time her groom was a much older, successful wealthy man who already had grown children and was only interested in enjoying their life together. Maybe this one would last? They certainly seemed to be very besotted with each other. But then again appearances can be very deceiving she reminded herself. And anyway she was planning on James not being around to spoil her fun.
"Well, I'm not sure I'll have the time to just take off for a few days especially in the middle of this new project. The timing is just so damn inconvenient for me" said James as he popped his head around the doorway from inside the dressing room.
"OK that's fine. You know you really don't have to come, darling. I am sure you will find it boring and anyway you need to concentrate on that important project you said". She sat still waiting for his reply and realised that she was holding her breath.  She tried not to remember the crazy antics she got up to last time these friends got together and the consequences for her.  So she continued to fuss with her long dark hair until it looked just the way she liked it and sat on top of her head with a few tendrils escaping around the side. It softened her face and accentuated her beautiful green eyes.
There was silence for a few minutes while he completed his dressing then he came to her with a grin on his face and put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze.
"No, no. I think I'll join you this time. Why should I let you have all the fun with that wacky bunch? But what's the dress code for a luxury beach wedding these days? Knowing Barbara and that current poor devil she is tied up with it will be elaborate no expense spared affair". Said, James.
"Yes, I believe she is thinking of that fabulous place with the villas over the water. Why don't you think about it and then decide? There's still plenty of time." Sonia sighed and tried not to show her dismay. She stood up and turned to view herself in the floor to ceiling mirrors on the adjacent wall. She was happy with her appearance in her black sheath dress with the narrow sparkling straps matching the long drop diamond earrings that James had given to her as a present on the birth of the first of their two children several years ago.
"You look fabulous my darling," he said as he grabbed her jewelled hand and planted a very exaggerated kiss in the air just above her fingers.
They gave their contact instructions for the night to the Nannie before going out to the waiting car that would take them to the city to the function which was important for their business. It would likely be the usual type of event with all the so-called dignitaries, both real and imagined, and the special overseas visitor high flyers. There was always an ample supply of excellent wines and a very elaborate food menu. They both knew from experience what their roles were at these PR functions and James left Sonia when he spied a potential client in the crowd.
He gave her elbow a squeeze and whispered to her, "OK now it's time to start working" and he moved past groups of finely dressed men and women towards the further side of the room. There was lots of low-level laughter and clinking of glasses around them.
 Sonia was quite content to move among those that she knew and preferred to be able to mingle with whoever she thought looked or sounded interesting. Sometimes she was even able to pick up juicy bits of information from the people who were hovering around especially after a few glasses of something or other. She took a glass of bubbly from the handsome young waiter who passed by and made her way over to the noisy group of six or seven people near the bar area.
"Hello, darling," said a tall blonde woman as Sonia moved towards her. She looked to be in her late thirties but Sonia knew was really a good ten years older with the help of everything she could manage including a very wealthy husband. She was immaculately dressed in a stunning very tight, very low cut red dress which moulded to her shapely figure. She lent over to air kiss Sonia on the cheek.
"Oh hello, Diane sweetie. You look amazing, as usual."  She returned the smile and glanced around the room. She moved in to whisper to her. The same social climbers as last months do on the Northbank I see."  They both laughed and turned around to the group who spread out to include them.
After an hour of the small talk and mixing the dinner was announced and they all proceeded to the dining room through wide twin carved timber doors. The huge room was decorated with fantastic flower centrepieces of red and gold on each of the twenty round tables of ten that were set out around the room. A small dais was at one end where later several speeches would be given and a three-piece string band played soft background music at the far end. By this time everyone was suitably relaxed and were weaving around the tables to find their allocated seats.  Sonia was turning to talk with a very dapper silver-haired man behind her and was heading towards their table in the middle of the room when a hand reached out and grabbed her arm.
"Hello, darling," said a handsome dark haired man quietly from a chair facing her. She gasped, looked at him and stopped but tried to not make too much of it. She could feel herself starting to tremble at his touch. "How are you Sonia?" he asked and as he stood up he dropped her arm but grabbed her hand and all the time staring into her eyes.
"What a surprise to see you here Peter," said Sonia with a wide smile on her face but she really felt very flustered. People were still noisily walking past to their seats and no one took any notice. She looked up and around quickly to find where James was and saw him sitting at their table further over in deep discussion with an Asian man that she didn't recognise. He had his back to her and was concentrating on his conversation.
"I hear we will both be going to some wonderful lush tropical island soon for Barbara and Ted's wedding? Should be an amusing few days eh?" He looked at her and then "Is James coming too?" He moved in closer and stared intently at her.  He raised one eyebrow and searched her face.
"Oh yes he says he is going to join us this time but you never know...." she replied and shrugged her shoulders. They both stared at each other.
"Oh how very inconvenient" laughed Peter and he released her hand.
"Yes, he thinks it is very inconvenient too". Sonia smiled and stammered. She moved off to join her husband at their table watched by the handsome dark haired man.

Sue Smith

Lots of things happen to try us
In the busy lives we live
Not everyone has the patience
To be able and willing to forgive

Many things are inconvenient
Like people running late
Others in such a hurry
They forget to shut the gate

Traffic is also inconvenient
Bumper to bumper along the road
Racing to get home to family
Always causes more stress to the load

How inconvenient to be low on fuel
That will make us later
But we must stop to fill up

As running out will make the stress greater

When the supermarket runs out
Of your favourite ice cream
That is very inconvenient
I’m sure you know what I mean

But all of these problems
Are nothing compared to some
We should be grateful for what we have
Knowing that more inconveniences will come

Valentine's Day Suprise

Anne Erez

“Love is in the air” hummed Carol as she made her way down the 1st Class Only gate to the big aircraft snuggled up to the end of the ramp.

“Stop that nonsense Carol,” she said to herself as she fixed on her travel face to the greeting staff at the door. She was a romantic she acknowledged and why not she asked herself.

It was a whimsical distraction from her busy corporate life which she acknowledged had been fabulously successful.  Now approaching 40 she was wondering if there was something else or somebody special out there for her. Over the years as she built up her business there had been several distinct Mr Right possibilities but in the end, she felt let down when they didn’t measure up to her list of ideal requirements.

“Am I too damned picky?” She often asked herself but this was what had made her very successful. Never settle for 2nd best if the best was available. Well, here she was nearly forty and getting tired of the roundabout.

She shook her head as she made herself comfortable in her very expensive 1st class suite and sipping the cold crisp champers offered to her from the smiling handsome flight attendant. Probably gay so no fun there she thought. After take off she tried to rest and get comfortable and gather her thoughts for the long flight ahead before she arrived at the next round of meetings and appointments. Thank god she had arranged for her driver to meet her at the airport so that she could get straight to work when she arrived.

Carol was trying not to think of her most recent breakup if you could call it that. It wasn’t her fault she reasoned if her younger partner of nearly two years had decided that he wanted his married domestic life back with his beautiful doting wife and two small children. Truthfully it was a relief from Carol’s point of view. Pity, he was such fun but she was so used to living her hectic life as she wanted and wasn’t ready to be a stepmom to two children under twelve. The demands on their alone time were hampering her ideal lifestyle of weekends or special breaks away somewhere romantic or at least interesting. She recalled her most recent lucky escape when she remembered that it wasn’t very much fun staying in a luxury hotel suite on a tropical island when the weather was abysmal and even the so-called kids club couldn’t keep the little blighter's occupied. She would much rather have spent the few precious days alone with him in the huge four-poster net draped bed and the tempting private plunge pool was just made for skinny dipping no matter what time of day or night. They had returned home earlier than planned and she had been sort of grateful when the relationship had ended.

The flight was reasonably full and 1st class was always a hive of quiet activity as the flight attendants served the tantalising food and fine wines and helped passengers with their sleeping requirements.

“I’m not hungry yet and I can’t relax enough to sleep so I think I’ll go up to the bar upstairs and see if that can quieten me down,” she told herself.

Climbing the staircase at the rear of the 1st class cabin to the sky bar was like stepping into another world at some classy hotel bar. The light background music and the comfortable soft chairs set around the little circular bar at the end and the quiet clink of glasses and the soft hum of conversations were just what she needed. The seating was arranged in pairs around the perimeter with some seats facing each other with small circular tables between them and some swivelled around to the windows. After ordering from the bar she looked around but there was only one vacant so she slipped into it. It was facing a rather large balding man hiding his face in the Wall Street Journal who didn’t even look up or take any notice as she sat down opposite him.  

Carol wasn’t used to being ignored. With her tall slim figure immaculately clad in her French label travelling outfit and long dark thick glossy hair framing a face with fine features and big expressive emerald green eyes she was used to men watching her every move when out and about. Probably her air of confidence and obvious wealth also helped. She sipped her champers and looked over her fellow travellers. Just the usual bland businessmen and a few women and some who were obviously enjoying their 1st foray into the sky bar.  There were a few middle eastern thick set men with their heavily made up and expensively dressed female companions jangling with their heavy gold jewellery. I bet they are the paid trophy women she thought and instantly dismissed the whole crowd.

The only one she couldn’t really observe was the man opposite her. Suddenly the plane made a slight shudder as they hit an air pocket. Her glass on the small table between the two chairs splashed and almost tipped over.

The silent man lowered his paper and looked her squarely in the eyes. She was momentarily taken off guard by his direct gaze so she smiled and attempted to mop up her wasted vintage on the table between them before it reached his side and part of the newspaper resting there.

“Hmmm,” he murmured.

“Oh gosh I am sorry,” she said as she reached over to his side of the table.

“Hazards of flight” he answered and his grin spread to his eyes which crinkled up at the corners.

“I don’t usually come up here on flights but am feeling a bit restless and hoped this could relax me before I sleep”

“Yes, I always think it is a very good way to unwind too” He smiled. “My name is Jonathan Kingston” and he leant forward and stuck out his hand.

“Hello Jonathan I’m Carol” and she reached the offered hand and he held it for a few seconds.

“Business or pleasure,” he asked as he swept his arm around the bar.

“Oh business, as usual, I’m afraid” she answered “Sometimes I would just love to go somewhere special with someone special without all the deadlines” She exclaimed and bit her lower lip.

“Oh gosh, I didn’t mean for that to come out as jaded as it sounded!” as she put her hand over her mouth and laughed.

“I know exactly what you mean Carol. That used to be me a few years ago until I decided that time was marching on and I wasn’t really enjoying all my hard earned perks so I cut back on the business travel and visited all the places I usually go to just as a tourist. Such a different exhilarating experience with no deadlines!”

Carol noticed that his whole face lit up again and thought that he really was a very interesting middle-aged man despite his overweight and balding appearance although of course he was very well dressed and groomed. Even his bald head was shiny and almost matched the shine from his silver cufflinks she glimpsed as he waved his hand to the waiter. Very different to the usual good looking younger types she favoured.

“Please another glass for my companion here,” he said to the waiter as he came over to the table.

“Oh no I am fine thanks,” she said

“And you sir,?” asked the barman as he took the now empty glass from in front of Carol.

“Oh nothing for me at the moment thanks” he replied. He swivelled his seat around to directly face Carol and said “I don't like to drink too much either when I fly because I always get hungry too and I certainly don’t need any more here” he said as he patted his belly and laughed.

Carol wasn’t sure how to answer that so she just grinned.

“Constant travel doesn’t help keep a healthy lifestyle does it?” he said “Although you obviously don’t show any signs of that,” he said and smiled and took in her perfectly poised demeanour.

She grinned again and nodded her head. This was what she was used to.

“Thanks but it is a constant battle to stay fit and healthy and have the stamina required for different countries let alone quite different time zones. I always stay at the same places so at least I know the area and feel confident to go out for a run when I want. This time I have actually given myself a couple of free days so am hoping to sightsee or at least relax more”.

“That's a wonderful idea,” he said. “I have a few days of business to attend to and I also have given myself some downtime. Perhaps I can show you some of the best-hidden spots that only the locals get to see,” he asked “but of course I don’t want to impose on you if you would rather be by yourself”

He looked carefully at her with a big smile on his face while she made up her mind. Maybe that's just what she needed to get her out of her deepening melancholy and she was always ready for a challenge and he looked like a man who was used to enjoying his life.

“You know that would be wonderful. Thank you very much. I think I would enjoy that”.

They sat and talked for awhile and she was impressed with his intimate knowledge of the various places where she also did business and the cultural constraints some of them presented. They laughed at some of the stories they shared and the conversation flowed freely.  She began to think that there was an older man with many intriguing possibilities.

They accommodation details and he said “I will contact you to arrange the time and plans if that's OK? Is Tuesday free for you?”

“Yes as far as I know at the moment that will be fine”

Then she realised that Tuesday was Valentines Day and she would love the company of a titillatingly different type of man to what she usually was attracted to.

“Love is in the air” she hummed to herself as she made her way back downstairs with a dreamy look on her face ready to get her beauty sleep.

Vignettes

Below is a selection of submissions for our September 2017 meeting.  The topic of the home work is 'Vignettes'.

Leighton Buzzard

Dallas Berge

It was a beautiful day in Leighton Buzzard, and, as usual, Gordon looked forward to a stroll to the local shops. Actually, he wasn’t a great fan of the town, as, like many other towns in England, the characteristic shops like the local butcher’s, the pharmacy where the pharmacist knew everyone and could begin looking for their medicines as soon as they hoved into view, and the shop where you could buy candles, chocolate and cream had been replaced by a supermarket, Boots the chemist, a shop with expensive fragranced candles and a 7-11 convenience store. In those days everyone knew everyone, and there was always a conversation to be had. Nevertheless, it still had its charms.
Jonno, Derek and Dean were looking forward to a walk around town too. Some old guy would come along and they would put on their best ‘Lock Stock and 3 Smoking barrels’ gangster postures, and demand money. There were usually easy pickings in Leighton Buzzard.
Gordon strolled past Sainsbury’s, Boots, and the Jo Malone candle shop, and was headed to the local pub when Jonno and his mates walked towards him.
“Hey, fatso! Give us a pound!” said Dean.
It was true that Gordon’s build was what some people would describe as ‘portly’, but there was no need for this.
“Give us a pound!” demanded Derek, as menacingly as he could.
“Sorry, haven’t got a pound,” replied Gordon. “Fantastic plastic only these days, lads.”
“Give us ya money,” insisted Jonno.
Gordon tried not to laugh. How old were these boys? Thirteen? Fourteen? They were probably young teenagers, but rather slight for their ages if they wanted to bully him into coughing up his cash.
“Off shopping are we, lads?” enquired Gordon.
“Give us your cash, you fat f*ckwit”, spat Jonno.
“Sorry lads. Not today.”
Gordon smoothly passed them by and continued heading towards the Hare and Hounds.
“You’ve got a baldy patch on the back of ya head,” shouted Dean, after him. “Looks like a duck pond, dontcha know?”
Gordon calmly turned around. He’d been living with the ‘duck pond’ for quite some time.
And then he saw two police officers. The boys were being led away to a police van. Gordon smiled. He looked forward to telling his mate Pete down at the pub about this one.

Rendezvous with Australia

Tatiana Efremova

It was 1995…
There I was, a new immigrant with little practical knowledge of overseas life and a quite substantial luggage of preconceived ideas. A sudden twist of fate dropped me in Australia, a complete Terra Nulius, if I omit my vague knowledge about kangaroos, Aborigines and ‘Crocodile Dandy’. All gaps in my knowledge about Australia, or… well…I have to admit: all my knowledge about Australia was one big gap - that colossal void which meant to be my knowledge of Australia was filled with general ideas. I knew for a fact that I ended up in a country of plenty and freedom, democracy and good weather, or as some would call it, heaven. It was what my husband told me, and I believed him. He meant to know, it was his country, after all.

I was eager to learn about my new home, I was eager to embrace it… My husband was eager to show it off to me, and maybe to show me off as well. He planned a trip from Gosford to Coffs Harbour, to see his friends and whatever Australia was in between… I planned our trip to be Russian in style, a picnic trip. I packed a basket with food, he drove me to a rendezvous with Australia.

The motorway was brand new and marvelous, he explained to me. I didn’t really appreciate his excitement. To me, it was just asphalt and there was nothing interesting to see along the road.

We stopped for a picnic at a vista with tables, a BBQ and a toilet. It is the best picnic spot, he explained to me. I refused to eat in a vicinity of a public toilet and on the table. Picnics happen on the grass, when you can’t be any closer to the land, when grasshoppers and butterflies are a part of the scene, when flowers sway around you in the wind, when the water runs in the creek nearby, when you fall in the tall grass and float away with the clouds above your head… A rumbling public toilet, a gravel under my feet and an aluminum table could not be a part of that romantic scene. I needed a much better setting for my picnic. We drove further.

Vista after vista I kept rejecting all proposed picnic sites. Not one of them was close to nature, not one of them was free of concrete and asphalt. There was nothing to see along the road, our trip was boring and I was hungry… And just to please me, my husband drove off the motor way and hit a country road. A beautiful country side opened up to my delighted eyes: New England looked stunning in autumn, with the familiar palette of yellow, orange, red and burgundy hues as if I dived into the Russian autumn, as if I returned home.

Twisted dirt roads took us through the rolling landscapes and spectacular views which would be perfect as a backdrop for a picnic… I begged my husband to stop at many beautiful spots but every time when I picked a place we discovered a barbed wired fence. Kilometer after kilometer, hour after hour - we were cut out of the beautiful land and locked in the narrow space of the road.

There I was, supposedly a prisoner who escaped an oppressive Soviet regime in a supposedly free country where people could do whatever they were pleased - and I could not sit on the grass where I wanted… The whole world around me was sliced and diced and locked away from me. Those who grabbed a slice of this paradise were not in a hurry to share their patch of heaven with me. I had to come to the end of Earth and into a democratic heaven to feel so utterly excluded for the first time in my life.

Apparently, it was not my heaven.

Be Careful what You Wish For, Mate

Dallas Berge

Once upon a time, ‘Les Girls’ in Sydney was the height of cabaret dining sophistication, with its supposedly classy show performed by drag queens. I went there for the Christmas celebration of the small office I was working at in the 80s. I’d never understood the appeal of drag queens, but the show was entertaining and the food was OK. Even more entertaining was the free ‘after-show’ show in the nightclub upstairs.
Having gotten there, I was surprised to see there were no men, only women, but that didn’t dampen my spirits. I was in the mood to dance the night away with my colleagues. Hell, if the music was good, I’d dance round my handbag to anything. Not long after we’d arrived, I found out why it was women-only. A rather urbane looking young man, clad in a white suit and hat similar to Bryan Ferry in his stylish days, began to dance for us. He actually looked like he had trained in ballet and gymnastics, performing balletic moves and forward rolls and offering white carnations to women in the crowd. We swooned. Before long, he started taking his clothes off. Fine by me. He’d looked good in the suit, and he looked pretty good without it, too.
Next up was a man dressed, curiously, as a schoolboy. Now why anyone would think a schoolboy would be sexy to grown women, I have no idea. Backed by the Pointer Sisters’ ‘He’s so shy’, he began his dancing and stripping routine.
You may or may not know, but male strippers wear several layers of clothing, gradually taking them off to titillate the audience. These will include at least a shirt and vest, pants, and two or three items of underwear, removed one by one, til the stripper is left with only a skimpy G-string/pouch arrangement, just big enough to cover the crown jewels, meat-and-two-veg, or three-piece suite, whatever you may wish to call it. Our schoolboy, having removed his cap and dropped his schoolbag, began to sway as he cheekily undid the buttons of his shirt, then after a few more dance moves, came sashaying over to a part of the crowd, or more specifically, me.
There he was, gyrating away and apparently trying to get me to do something. I was certainly not about to gyrate with this dude in his man-child get-up, but I figured out he wanted me to pull down his pants. There was no escape, so I gamely slid my thumbs into the waistband of his pants and yanked them down. Almost all his pants, in fact. All that was left was a glittery pouch, concealing the crown jewels, meat-and…well, you get the picture.
“You stupid cow! I’ve still got half the song to get through! What I am I going to do now?”, he shouted.
Jeez, I don’t know, I thought. But one thing I do know is that you’ll be more careful who you line up for audience participation next time.

In Africa

Anne Erez

"It’s a bloody long way back to civilisation from here," said the boy as looked off into the distance along the pockmarked bits of bitumen which were optimistically signed as the main highway south.
"Well, we might just get lucky and catch a ride soon. It’s so hot and sticky already", replied the slightly built young blonde girl as she pulled up the bottom of her shirt and wiped her sweaty brow.
The two young backpackers had been standing on the roadside in the red dirt for little over an hour and trying to stay in the shade of the thick matte of trees and shrubs pushing up against the road edge. They had been staying on the beach for the last week or so along with a group of other adventurers in small thatched roofed huts dotted amongst the palms lining the magnificent coastline.  Now they were trying to get back south to get some type of transport back to Nairobi. Unfortunately, the local bus they had come up with only ran on a select few days a week, although no one seemed to know what those days were. Anyway, nearly three hours packed like sardines in the hot stuffy old bus was not one trip they really wanted to repeat. The boy had spent most of the trip crammed onto a seat made to carry just two but was shared with another two locals plus an angry rooster in a crude cage on the lap of one of his fellow passengers. It was an experience that they were becoming used to in travelling around East Africa in 1975. They decided that they needed to start to try to get back to Nairobi to catch their booked flight out to Cairo in three days’ time. Or the alternative was to be stuck longer than they could afford in East Africa.
There wasn't much-passing traffic this early. Any that did pass were packed with ten times the amount of noisy local people and livestock that any normal vehicle should carry and looked like they were held together with wire, which they usually were. As was the custom they all stopped but were waved on with a smile and thanks.
Just when they were starting to get really discouraged with the whole idea of hitchhiking a small white car appeared up ahead and came towards them. They stood up from resting on their backpacks and waited.
"Quick, hide in the bushes and I'll see if I can get some help here", said the young girl as she pushed the boy off the verge and into some large bushes, hoping that it didn't contain any of those terrible black snakes that they had been warned about.
"Gosh, it looks like a normal car too".
It contained two white men and it slowed and stopped beside her.
"Good morning Mademoiselle" greeted the youngish man in the driver’s seat with a very heavy French accent.
"Are you wanting to go somewhere?"
"Well yes but to Mombasa and you're going in the wrong direction" she smiled and replied in her most flirtatious voice.
"OK. Yes, but we are just going up the road for a short time then we will be back. If you are still here we could take you south. OK no?"
She nodded and thanked them and they both waved and took off up the road.
When the car disappeared around the bend the boy stepped out from behind the bushes scratching his arms and complaining about all the bloody mosquitoes and other stinging creatures he had encountered in the few minutes he had been hiding.
"Seems like we may get a ride with these two Frenchies but they're sure gonna get a surprise when you appear. Might spoil their fun but it’s the best offer so far”, she laughed and patted him on the arm.
It was almost an hour later and the car appeared again from around the bend heading in the right direction this time.
It stopped and both men greeted her and didn't seem at all surprised to see her companion.  She reasoned to herself that they probably had spotted him in the bushes when they went past earlier and then she realised that both their bags were beside her on the roadside.
After loading their heavy packs in the boot and settling into the back seat the car took off down the road for only a few minutes before turning onto a small side road marked 'Airport' on a small sign hanging at an angle of a pole.
The two men all the while were chatting away to each other in French oblivious to the startled couple in the back seat.
"Oh where are we going?" she asked as she glanced nervously at her boyfriend and lent forward to hear the answer.
"Didn't I mention we are flying down to Mombasa? We are geologists and we have a small plane we keep here to get around our area of operation. It's such a beautiful coastline and a lovely day to sightsee. Should only take 30 minutes or so".

The couple sat back with relief and grinned at each other. This was definitely their best hitchhiking lift so far!